


raindrops

by sunglele



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ChenJi, M/M, Sungle, chensung - Freeform, sungchen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunglele/pseuds/sunglele
Summary: It finally started raining, silent raindrops falling on me, making even colder someone who's already frozen.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	raindrops

**Author's Note:**

> hello this the first fanfic i post on ao3.. i hope you like it ♥️

It's almost sunset time, but today I can't see or feel the sunlight due the rain clouds covering the whole sky. It's about to start raining, I can hear the wind blow stronger as the minutes pass by. I hate the rain. It always makes me feel small and the sound reminds me of a thousand of people simultaneously crying, and it hurts, hurts me making the sensation of loneliness take over my body.

I'm walking, I don't know where to, to be honest I'm just wandering around with nothing but my hoodie, wallet, phone and earbuds. Nothing but me and my overwhelmed soul who's screaming for some fresh air — the irony though — the day I need a little warmth the most turned out to be a cold and lifeless day, just like me after spending a whole week stuck again in that hospital, that damn hospital. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that hospital exists, but when you're 19 and for the second time in this year you had to take care of your mother who's going through depression after she lost the will to live after my father's death and you do that by your own because there's nobody but you two can be a little too much. I love her, i really do. I just wish I had more strength to take care of her, of our house, of our dogs, and of myself without feeling so drained out in the end of the day. 

I just wish I had a normal life, that didn't have to suffer so much, that there was somebody to make me company, anybody to help me even if just a little bit, actually, any sign of affection would be enough, I just wish someone cared about me. 

I just wish I could have a pause. 

A pause of everything, a pause of everyone. Can this world just stop a little? can my head stop spinning and my thoughts reorganize themselves so that I can think sttaight again? 

But what i really wish the most was that my dad was still here, he would help me to get through this storm, or at least give me a gentle smile as he caressed my head singing me a lullaby like he did whenever I had problems to sleep when I was younger, he would hold my hand and stay with me always making sure that i would not forget that he was there.

But he's not anymore. 

So now i have to gather everything he taught me and carry on. I know he didn't want any of this to happen to us, I know if he could tell us a last thing he would tell us to move on because even if he isn't here anymore he'll always live in our hearts, forever. 

Regardless, God took him away. I was always taught to not question God's plan but how can I understand it? why would God want me to be all by myself at such a young age having to deal with so many things? Now I hope God doesn't take my mom with it as well, I hope her mental health gets better soon, I hope she can find a reason to live, I just wish she realized that I'm still here and that I need her to get better, because above all, I'm her son. Even though it's a selfish way to think but sometimes I just wish she cared about me more.

It finally started raining, silent raindrops falling on me, making even colder someone who's already frozen. But, maybe, just maybe, could those raindrops melt me and take me with them? perhaps I can be happier as a water drop. I'd be liquid and small, then I'd evaporate and meet the clouds, maybe my dad is there playing with the angels, that'd be a nice way to see him again even though he wouldn't know that it was me. Then the rain would come and I'd come back to Earth and maybe I'd fall in the ocean, I'd meet the fishes and maybe a mermaid! my mom loves mermaid I could talk to them and then tell my mom how mermaid are like in real life, maybe that could cheer her up and she'd feel happy again, maybe. 

Maybe.

The rain gets heavier and at this point I'm soaking wet, however, I can't feel the water falling on me at all, I can't. Feel. Not even a punch would make me feel, when you're constantly in pain, at some point you just stop feeling it. like my skin is dead, or maybe I am, maybe I've become a zombie.

The sensation of being numb is the most twisted and incomprehensible feeling to ever exist. You feel nothing and because you can't feel you feel overwhelmed and lost. It's a loop almost impossible to escape. I am doomed, I really am. but maybe that's just how my life is supposed to end. 

I miss my innocence, I miss having a pure soul, a soul that never witnessed any sorts of sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, pain. It's such a shame because I used to have faith, to wait for the best, always. But now I know how cruel the world is, and it doesn't matter whether you're good or not, the life won't ever go easy on you and all I can do is to believe that the another versions of me from parallel dimensions had a better fate than mine. 

It's dark now, I'm at a big avenue with a lot of cars headlights illuminating the place. It's beautiful lights, very tempting I'd say, what if I could touch the lights? could they warm me up? would it make me feel better? Since I can't feel anything I can touch those and I won't feel anything, right? and even if I do, that'd be a victory! to feel something, anything, again. 

I'll do it, I'll follow the lights! 

I start running into the lights, as if there is o tomorrow – and really, there is not going to be if I manage to reach those lights. 

5 meters away, 3 meters away, 2 meters away, 1 meter away and...

–––

Everything was black for a few moments. Maybe that's how it feels like to die, maybe I'm going to my final judgement considering that I'm seeing a blonde angel trying to talk to me. Is he the one who's gonna take me to God? I hear a noise, more like a lots of yelling, but I think that the voice is coming from that beautiful guardian in front of me, right? 

"Hey, hey! are you okay? you were running towards the avenue but I got you before you did, are you okay? can you hear me?" said the blonde guy

I blink a few times to try to see what's going on around me properly and I'm laying on this boy's lap and we're on a bench, apparently. Struggling with my own dizzy body, I sit next to the boy who were still saying things that i couldn't comprehend very well. 

"Hey! are you listening to me?" he snaps his fingers in front of my eyes "do you want me to take you to a hospital?" the guy said, as he mentions the word hospital I automatically respond him 

"No, no I'm fine, thank you but I don't need hospital, seriously" 

"Oh, so you're finally up, I was afraid you're dead!" 

"Unfortunately, I'm not" 

The boy didn't react negatively to my answer. He's actually softly smiling at me, is he okay? 

"I see... my name's Chenle, Zhong Chenle by the way, what's yours? 

"Jisung, Park Jisung" 

"Nice to meet you, Park Jisung! so, I was heading to my house, I live alone nearby and I'm kinda feeling alone today, wanna come along and play games with me? do you like video games?" 

What. On. Earth. 

I just told the boy I wanted to die and he invites me over to play games with him? 

"Oh... no it's okay, I'll just go back home, but thank you." 

Chenle sighed. He looked down and a mix of concern and sadness could be seen in his expression.

"Please come? I'm from China and especially today I'm feeling very homesick I miss my parents a lot and i just wanted to have someone to spend some time with, to make me company" 

The look in his eyes is genuine, is he a lonely kid like me? is it possible that there's someone in this world who can understand a little bit how I feel? 

"Well... okay then" 

"Oh yas! also, don't worry... I won't ask you why did you do that earlier, you had your reasons and own problems to deal with and I have nothing to do with that" 

"Thank you, it means a lot"

"Now let's go!" 

We're now in his car – pretty luxurious I must say – he blasted an english rap song that I've never heard in my life but it's a very eletric song and it's nice how happily he's singing and driving the car, he really seems to be a nice guy.

We're now in his place and just like his car — damn — it's rich! he showed me around and took me to his video game room — that's right, he has a room for games only.

"So, you can play whatever you want to! I'll just quickly go get us some snacks and grab you PJs because I need you to give me your wet clothes for me to wash it for you" 

He left the room before I could answer him, I can already tell he's a handful. 

I distracted myself with that large room, it was hypnotizing, all sorts of games and even a foosball table! I start playing the foosball by my own and accidentally distracted myself so much that I didn't even notice when Chenle returned, he's standing in front of the door smiling at me as if he's been watching me for some minutes now

"Here, get these PJs" he gave me a baby blue PJs "You are really cute when you're focused, though, do you know that when you puff your cheeks you look like like a little squirrel?" 

He said cutely giggling and for one second I feel a weird warmth growing in my heart, his smile was really bright and maybe because I'm way too needy right now, my heart skipped a beat when he approached to me to handle the PJs and I could see his face closely enough to tell that he smells like baby cologne.

—— ——

That was a lovely night. That unfortunately came to an end faster than I thought it would.

The most unsual night I've ever had. We played games all night, we ate a lot of food, and even though I mostly heard Chenle speak unstoppably about everything and anything, it was very pleasant. We finished the night with a movie and then I fell asleep on the couch, however, somehow I ended up on a very comfy bed, now I really wonder how many rooms does Chenle's house have.

Now we're back in his car, he's giving me a drive to my house. We exchanged numbers and followed each other on social medias, it's kind of bitter that I have to go, but we have our own lives, our own things and problems waiting for us that we can't stop or control.

"So, we're here! hope you have a wonderful day, thank you for being such a great company, Mister Park" 

"It was my pleasure, Mister Zhong!" 

We both laugh and I left the car, watching he drive away until my vision couldn't see his car anymore, it was a goodbye, indeed, perhaps forever.

I don't know if I'll ever see him again, but I'll keep that night in my memory forever, the weird day that at least for a while I was a regular teenager having fun like people my age do, absolutely no concerns, just me and Chenle doing meanless things together, this boy who helped me to find the sunshine I was looking for so long, thanks to him at least for a few hours it was warm, for a few hours it was summer in my before frozen garden also known as my life, for a few hours...

I felt alive.

Until we see each other again, I'll keep you in my memory, Zhong Chenle, the warm and bright blonde angel who saved my life. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! actually this fanfic is more like a rant idk very well i was just very sad last night and i wrote it without thinking a lot... sorry if it's not very good, also i apologize for any grammar mistake you find ♥️
> 
> my writing acc: [ @sungleIe ](https://twitter.com/sungleIe?s=09)


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